The X-MEN Movies: The Marvel Cinematic Universe's Idiot Older Brother

The first X-MEN movie was more than fans had hoped,
but less than what should have been.  The X-MEN
comic is positively epic. The movies have not been.

THIS POST IS A SPOILER-RICH ENVIRONMENT.  Please do not read further  if you don't want the X-MEN movies spoiled for you.  It's never my goal to ruin movies for people so, I generally try to avoid being any more spoilery than I have to, but when writing about a movie series, it's kind of impossible to avoid all spoilers.  YOU HAVE BEEN SPOILER-WARNED!

Don't get me wrong--I enjoyed the X-MEN movies.  All of them.  Well, almost all of them (COUGHx-menoriginswolverineCOUGH).  I was overjoyed when the first X-MEN got so much right.  I was still disappointed in how much it got wrong, though.  I mean, come on, it's me--I've read the X-MEN comics.  Sometimes I wonder if everyone who made that first X-MEN movie had.  As far as I can tell, all they did was read the X-MEN issue of WHO'S WHO IN THE MARVEL UNIVERSE and then just stuck in the more popular characters.  Which was great, all told.  That was more than I was expecting, to be honest.

What the first X-MEN movie got right.

The plot and dialog for all of the films was pretty good with the films getting better and better as they went (not including the two Wolverine stand alone films which were steps backward in quality, though the one in Japan was the better of the two).  It was nice to see the general dynamic of Magneto versus the X-Men being respected as much as it was.  However, there is one thing they absolutely had to get right in order to capture one of the most interesting and long-running dynamics...

Saving FANTASTIC FOUR: Break the Formula

One of the big problems with Hollywood has always been its urge to make it easy for itself.  Why actually take the effort every time to write a good script when you can plug variables into a formula and BANG you have a shootable script people will put their butts in theater seats for?

Put simply: Formulas don't work.  Not by themsleves.

Sure, they may seem to work for some films, but how likely are those "success stories" to be rewatched?  The key to a crowd-pleasing movie that is also a good movie is to have a formula guide you as a writer, but not to have it dominate your choices.  

FANTASTIC FOUR can be boiled down to an equation.

Young White Male + Problem that Needs to Be Solved + Complications + Implementing the Solution = Climax

Aside from the most basic of backstories given to two of the characters (Ben and Johnny) there is nothing of ANY interest included in this film.

No spoiler alerts for this piece: There is nothing in FANTASTIC FOUR that could be considered a spoiler

POWERS that (Should) Be (Better)

I am finally getting around to writing up my take on the Sony Playstation Network series POWERS.  For anyone who is not familiar, this is a show that is based on the Brian Michael Bendis comic series of the same name.  It's a comic I am unfamiliar with, so I won't be talking about it's adaptation, but I will talk about how the show adapts the general super-hero idea to the small screen.

"REAL POWER LIES WITHIN" a better script. :(

One thing I won't be doing is praising it.  This show falls prey to a number of common problems.  The biggest is giving into the syndrome I described in my piece about the Wachowskis SENSE8 (read it here).  Internet First Syndrome, put simply, is when producers and writers behind the show decide they can take advantage of the no-commercial structure of Internet-First TV shows and just take everything slowly--too slowly.  In too many cases, this manifests itself in the form of padding. In this case, it takes POWERS about 7 episodes of not much importance to get to a big plot point.  Remember how Netflix's DAREDEVIL took what should have been a pilot episode and stretched it out into nearly an entire season of episodes?  Yeah, like that.

POWERS in a nutshell

Sadly, POWERS comes across like a show on a budget--gritty, but featuring weak-looking gore, no FX make-up,  props that look hokey, featuring a very simplistic, predictable story.  There were no surprises, no interesting characters, and action that looks like a fan-film.  Actually, I recently saw the fan film, PREDATOR DARK AGES, and it had better action and FX than POWERS.

POWERS left me wanting so much more.  I will never read the comic if this is how good it is.  The show tries to be tough and gritty, but it fails on almost every practical level.  It tries to say important things about the nature of fame and power, but does so in a way that is not compelling.

Ultimately, it felt like a show that didn't know exactly what it wanted to do beyond that one huge (and hugely obvious) plot point that takes forever to actually happen.

Look--even they seem underwhelmed by this show and they're
starring in it!

What worked in POWERS

Not much.  The universe of POWERS is developed, but boring.  The budget, I assume, keeps the story in Los Angeles, and it's an LA that looks a lot like real LA--not like an LA that would change due to having super-powered people around.  That said, we know there is a world beyond the borders of the story.  That's cool and interesting and not something other shows get right.  ARROW and FLASH never give the impression that there are is a culture evolving around super-heroes.  POWERS nails that and it's the most interesting thing about the show.  Sadly, that's not the focus of the show.

Another thing that worked, but was also not the focus of the show, was Retro Girl's place in the universe.  I really understood where she was in her life and career as a super-hero and I got her conflict.  I also liked what they were going for with the African-American partner.  The dynamic between her and the lead white guy was interesting, but really underdeveloped, sadly.  I really wish the show had been about that partner because her character is far more interesting than a washed-up, ex-super-hero-turned-police-detective.  I mean, that is a pretty old character archetype, isn't it? This doesn't mean it's an inherently bad choice, but it sure as hell doesn't make it instantly a good one.

One last thing that (sort of) worked for me was the gritty violence.  I thought it looked not-so-great, but I got the point. When there is violence, it's a mess and it's brutal.  I got the sentiment, even if the budget wouldn't allow for it to show like I felt it should have.  Seeing blood splattering everywhere is cute, but not all there is when making disturbing visuals.

What Didn't Work in POWERS: IT'S SPOILER TIME, KIDS!  You've been warned!

Making a Better TOMORROWLAND

I remember being so excited when I first heard
about this movie. I remember reading that the
script was based on objects found in a box from
Walt Disney's old office. Pretty sure that was just
PR BS now, since I didn't come across any reference
to this box in reviews or interviews with the director.

I know--this seems like an easy target, but nothing frustrates me more about a bad film than if it's a missed opportunity to do something that could have, and in this case should have, been amazing.  When it comes to optimistic science fiction films, I'm in the camp that believes we need more of them (despite the fact that I generally prefer dystopias and post-apocalypses in my stories).  In that sense, I agree with this film's message, but not how it goes about expressing it--as everyone who has seen it knows, this film does damn near everything wrong.

No, that doesn't mean I'm going to write a ten-part series on the failings of this film (though, I could).  What I am going to do is explain how I would have recut and reshot portions of TOMORROWLAND so that it would make a better, more watchable movie.  I usually focus on how I would have rewritten the script, but this time, I'd have rewritten the entire thing from scratch, making it pretty much unrecognizable, compared to what Disney let reach the screen.  It really is that wrong-in-the-head.  After the spoiler alert, I will go into a short explanation of the thing biggest problems I had with the film and then I will get to how I'd retool the final cut.

SPOILER ALERT: YOU ARE ABOUT TO HAVE TOMORROWLAND RUINED FOR YOU (if you haven't already, by watching it)

OK, so, one of my biggest problems is...

Saving SENSE8 and a Few Other Internet-First Shows, Too

In case you haven't heard of it, SENSE8 is a new genre show from The Wachowskis and it's available on Netflix.  I feel like there really wasn't very much publicity for this show.  I hope this show does well despite the lack of ads.  Is it perfect? Well, I'm writing this, aren't I?  That means it needs some kind of saving and it needs more than better advertising because I almost gave up on it several times and would do so no matter how much it had been hyped.

First, what works?

The premise of SENSE8 is that eight people, around the globe, from different cultural and ethnic backgrounds, discover that they are somehow psychically connected. Not only that, they can temporarily take over each other's body, kind of like Scott Bakula's character in QUANTUM LEAP.  It's a pretty neat concept, but there's a catch and I call it Internet-First Syndrome.  I'll explain that in a bit.  Before that, more of what worked.

The premise.  The premise worked really well and it is a fascinating concept. I don't want to go into too much detail without a spoiler alert (keep reading for that), so just trust me when I say that it is a great premise for a show about people (as opposed to shows about specific conflicts).

The acting is largely perfect.  I think every single actor on the show seemed to really get where their character was coming from.  What I loved the most about the casting was the diversity.  Anyone who knows me, knows I'm tired of seeing white faces everywhere.  Especially white male faces.  While there are a couple of them in this show, there are also Latino faces, African faces, Asian and Indian faces, and even a trans woman's face.  She is also played by a trans woman, as well, which is nice.  A trans character is not the only non-traditional story element in this show.

The themes explored are varied and fascinating.  This isn't just your typical, X-FILES rip-off where there is a single through-line and we spend the entire series in service of it like Sony Playstation Network's POWERS.  While there is a general level of predictability in it, there are plenty of surprises and really, really, wonderful moments for both the story and the characters.  I did find certain aspect of the story to be lacking, mostly in the main plotline that ties them all together.  I'll get to more on that in a bit.  I'm still gushing...

The story isn't just diverse in themes, it actually veers away from the main story quite a bit into really interesting corners of human culture that mainstream genre shows and movies really don't venture very often.  This is simply not a show that would ever be made via traditional Hollywood channels (literally and figuratively).  It's so much of what I long for in American storytelling.  I'm glad I stuck with it, though it really was frustrating for the first four or five episodes.

So far, you might wonder where the bout of IFS is involved.  Well, right here.

Can TERMINATOR: GENISYS Save the TERMINATOR Franchise? (Answer: No, it's too late.)

Full disclosure: I didn't think there should have been a single sequel or spin-off in any media after the original, 1984 TERMINATOR film.  I enjoyed each of the films to varying degrees (they got more and more forgettable as they multiplied) and I never read any of the comics because I felt they violated the premise of the original film: that Skynet had sent one Terminator back in time to kill Sarah Connor. Comics were just starting to climb in price back then, and I figured, I could afford to see a Terminator sequel film every once in a while. However, keeping up with the comics, just in case they were good, would be too pricey.  So, I stuck with the live action stuff.  I'm glad I did, but even the best of the bunch left me a bit "meh."

Yep, I'm going to say it: TERMINATOR 2, left me a little flat.  Sure, the liquid metal Terminator was cool, but the original film explained that only one killer robot was sent back, not two (or more).  Sure, I overlooked it just to enjoy the movie, but with all the awkward sentimentality mixed in, I kind of wish I hadn't. I mean, the "bond" young John Connor and the "good" T-800 developed was hokey and cliché. 

"Asta la Vista"? Really?

The other films had some interesting ideas, but ultimately, they were just poor excuses for making some cash off of the TREMINATOR brand.  So, when I first heard about TERMINATOR: GENISYS, I quickly questioned the wisdom of the money-people behind it.  This just seemed like an almost shameful attempt to squeeze the last drops of cash out of this stone.

Then I saw the trailer.  

"GRAVITY" Falls Down, Can't Get Up

Pretty much the emotion felt for the whole of GRAVITY
(pencil sketch by me).

For a long time, I avoided seeing the film "GRAVITY."  Just about everyone said it was great and, usually when that happens, and I see the movie, it isn't great.  Plus, from the trailer, it seemed like it was a one Plot-Point-Movie.  I hate PPMs because I feel like the writers have made very little effort to construct an interesting story.  All they had to do was come up with one cool idea to strand a character somewhere or in some situation and then let what ever natural obstacles exist do their job.

There was a movie a few years ago about an attractive, white scuba diving couple who find themselves stranded at sea without a boat or so much as a piece of wood to float on.  I didn't see this movie either because I thought, short of flashbacks, how could this be anything but emotional-torture porn?  How boring and depressing to sit through something that can end in one of two ways.  They die or they don't.  The former being completely depressing and the latter being completely unrealistic.